I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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