walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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