i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
