Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
