I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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