So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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