with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
