i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
