Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
