I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
