R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
