Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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