i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.