this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.