After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW