how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.