I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.