she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?