Swine flu. Run for my life!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
