The best revenge is premature balding
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
