Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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