Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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