Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
