I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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