"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
