if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
