So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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