how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
