The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
