Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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