you would pick up someone in the library
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
