So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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