My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
