Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
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im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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