If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
