I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
