how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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