i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
