Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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