i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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