I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
