I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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