You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
