I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
