she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
