Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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