Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
