we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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