Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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