the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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