lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
