last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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