don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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