His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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