He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
