In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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