like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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