eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
