Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
