I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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