Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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