on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
