my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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