My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
