oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
