Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
