I haven't been this sober since birth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
